The Baby Conversation I Should Have Had

The Money Minute is your one-stop-shop for financial advice. Subscribe to get three articles/week on the best money tips, delivered straight to your inbox. 💸💸💸

From my late teens to my late 20s, I had no life besides work.

I was a work addict. I had nothing on my mind besides working and then working some more. And then, when I was 27, I met a boy—and it got serious. Fast. We moved in together after just a few months. Yes, yes, “fools rush in.”

We were inseparable right away. We integrated our lives quickly, and it felt like “This is it, I met my future husband.” We never really talked about it, it just felt mutual and understood. Then, about a year in, I realized it might not be.

We were at a party, and a friend of his made an off-hand comment about my boyfriend not being ready to get remarried and have more kids (he already has a daughter from his first marriage). But instead of interjecting to correct her—“Of course I want more kids!”—my BF nodded in agreement.

Wait—what?! I felt like I got the shit kicked out of me. I was shocked and I was sad. When I brought it up later that night, he avoided a real conversation—and continued to avoid the topic for the next three years.

I went through a phase of “Well, I don’t even want to have kids anyway, so there.” Of course, it wasn’t true, but I still tried to convince myself. It was a defense mechanism that I used for about two years. And, then . . . I turned 30 and I had a panic attack. I couldn’t suppress my intense urge to have kids of my own anymore.

I became “baby crazy.” I went from trying to believe I didn’t want any kids to wanting four or five. The more my partner avoided the kid conversation or committing to it, the more terrible I felt. I was so mad at him.

The thing is, I wasn’t wrong to be mad. But I was wrong about who I was mad at. I shouldn’t have been mad at him. I should have been mad at myself.

We were nearing four years of being together and we still hadn’t had a serious talk about our future. I had tried, sure, but when he wouldn’t take the bait, I backed off. I guess I was too afraid of losing him altogether.

What I really should have been afraid of was waiting for my dude to decide my future. But I did. It was dumb. And it certainly wasn’t very Boss Bitch of me.

Don’t do what I did. Don’t be in denial about your desires. Express them, and, if you have to, stand-up and fight for what you want.

xo,

Do you want to get rid of debt, lock in that raise, plan for your best retired life, find unclaimed money and generally cruise along the road to financial freedom? Here are more ways to get it together and get it all:

🎙Click here to subscribe here to my daily financial advice podcast, Money Rehab.

📖 Click here to order my latest book, Miss Independent.

👶Is a mini-me on your horizon? Level up with a Rich Mom premium subscription.Subscribers will get enriching bonus content like cheat sheets, exclusive articles, reader questions, a new community hub for mommies and mommies-to-be.Invest in yourself— and your family— and hit subscribe to check out your new favorite place on the internet.